It’s the eye contact that lingers a little too long, the hug that squeezes a little too hard, the handshake that practically rips your arm off, the pause that befalls a conversation where we feel the need to say, “Anyhow…” It’s that fake sentence that has become a greeting rather than a question: “Hi, how are you?” “Good thanks, how are you?”…. as our eyes and body language have already moved onto the next person.
We’ve taken warmth and affection and put a time limit on it. We’ve taken a heart felt question and turned it into a sterile greeting. We’ve taken the beautiful silence in conversation (and never mind life in general) and labeled it as awkward – as ‘space’ that needs to be filled with token spew. So much so, that anything outside of these unspoken social cues and parameters are quickly label as different. Or strange. Or weird.
I was reminded of this last Sunday in church.
This handicapped man in my congregation came up to me and hugged me. I had sung a tribute song in honour of my dear friend Kristen’s passing, and well, I completely fell apart. I butchered the crap right out of that song – my apologies to the songwriters (and congregation) – and Max tracked me down in the foyer afterwards to offer his condolences. He was crying while saying, “O-o-oh Ci-Ci-Ci-Cindy, it it it was so bootiful. It it it was j-j-j-j-ust bootiful.”
His hug lingered a little too long and I found myself scrambling to figure out what to do. He pulled me away, looked me in the eyes as tears were streaming down his face, then he hugged me again. I scrambled again. Two hugs? Habitually I wanted to break free just to have my boundaries back, but impulsively I did the opposite. I put everything down that I was holding, including my kid, and I full-heartedly bear hugged him. My eyes watered as I looked him in the eyes and said, “Thank you for such a genuine response, Max.”
That interaction was memorable.
It was meaningful.
It was warm.
It was heart-felt.
It was refreshing.
But it was different.
It was beautifully different.
All this week I have found myself thinking about this thought: I wonder how many other people in my circles – ones I’ve labeled as different conversationalists, different personalities, different religions, different parenting styles, different thinkers, different life approaches – are beautifully different? I wonder how many of them could leave memorable impressions on my life if I were to simply choose to put down my “stuff,” and fully embrace them?
Is this not what it means to love our neighbours?
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
~John 13:34-35
Huh! That’s odd. Nowhere in this scripture – or in the bible for that matter – do I find: love your neighbour only if they act, think, look, dress, hug, talk, live, parent, eat, believe…. and obey social cues… exactly like you.
